Mike's Rule #13 - How to discuss an unexpected DNA event

 


   How do you tell someone that they have a non-parental event in their family?  Gently, if possible.  

   If that person is adopted, they probably already know they are part of an ‘event’.  For every adoptee, there is another family or two who may not know that the event ever took place.  In cases of hanky-panky, the child of that infidelity may not even know.  

   I find that I need to lead them to the conclusion for themselves.  In the case where someone asks me to help find more information on their grandfather using DNA, I might find that there is no genetic connection to that grandfather.  I start with, “You don’t have any matches with those surnames.”  Then let that sink in.  Or when talking to an adoptee’s bio-family, I’ll say, “I’m working with an adoptee with a very strong DNA match to your family” (keeping it vague).  And let that sink in.  Let them ask the next question.  Give them time to get there.  

   No matter how gently you proceed, there will always be some people who never get it and never accept the facts.  There will be even more family who will be overjoyed with the answers.

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